The Sonia Show

Writer. Mocker. Beer drinker. Old movie watcher. Mother. Goober.


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The Sonia Show Goes To Washington

Yeah, so, I went to Washington, D.C., to see two of my favorite people, Katie and Nathan.

Sadly, the second I walked off the plane I lost my voice, because of course I did. I fly across the country to visit one of my best friends so we can catch up, and I lose my voice. Figures.

I think being that close to Predator Trump; that much evil; my body just couldn’t deal with it. Maybe my body was trying to save me. “Oh no! She’s in the same city as that piece of shit. She’s going to say something and get us all killed, so let’s shut it down. Shut the whole thing down!”

Of course, we didn’t let my lack of voice stop us from catching up, and Katie and Nathan are awesome hosts. If you’re ever in DC, I highly recommend you stay with them. They are way better than some hotel or Air BnB.

We went to a Nationals vs. Reds game on Friday night, which was my first-ever visit to a ballpark that wasn’t A’s or Giants. I wore my Giants hat and booed Bryce Harper the best I could considering I had no voice. I also ran into some other Giants fans there, which – once again – was just me pointing at my hat and their hats and giving the thumbs up, because no voice.

On Saturday, Katie and I spent the entire day at the Newseum, because it’s my favorite. I could have spent an entire second day in the Newseum. There is so much to read, watch and listen to. There’s a really terrific exhibit now called “Louder Than Words,” which is about music, activism and politics. The Newseum doesn’t appear to be a big fan of Predator Fake News. There are a lot of stories and photos about President Obama. I think that Newseum is preaching to the choir, though. I seriously doubt Predator Trump voters are going to the Newseum anyway. Yeah. I said it.

Also, while in DC, we had lunch at a yummy vegan restaurant, Fare Well. I got the vegan Reuben and a cookie dough milkshake, and it was heaven.

We also got some beer, because – duh – of course we did. These are MY FRIENDS we’re talking about. We went to Brookland Pint, which had a great selection of local beer on tap, so I could taste them all.

It was so great to see Katie and Nathan. They are such awesome, smart people. I wish we at least lived in the same state. That would be awesome.

By the way, it’s hot as fuck in DC, and humid. Here’s actual footage of me in DC.

 

So, at the end of my trip, I filmed a little video so you guys could hear how awful my voice was.

 

BUT, here’s the thing: It actually got worse. I got sicker and sicker on the flight home. By the time I got home I had no voice at all (it was just a whisper). I was coughing and congested, and I had a fever. Wheeee. I’ve been sick for three days! I’ve been so sick that I haven’t even been back to work yet. I wasn’t even well enough to work from home, because that would have involved sitting up. Writing this blog post is the longest I’ve sat up in a while, and as you can tell by how well it is written, that wasn’t very long.

So yeah, I had a really great trip. This was my first big trip away from my mighty, mighty good man David and my mighty, mighty good boy Calvin. I’ve had an overnight trip once or twice away from both of them, and David and I have gone on trips together while Calvin stays with my mom. But, this was the first trip in which David and Calvin were on their own for four days. Unsurprisingly, they had a great time, but Calvin did come into our bedroom in the middle of the night and cry, and ask to sleep with David. He missed me.

Calvin was already asleep when I got home Sunday night, but the next morning I went into his room to say, “Good morning,” and he immediately shot up in his bed. “You’re back! You’re here! I missed you!” I almost cried. It’s nice to be missed.

 

 

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Put a Bird On It

Yeah, so, a few weeks ago I won a free ticket to Rock Prom, which was a fundraising event for Bay Area Girls Rock Camp.

My good buddy Jess was on a fundraising team, and I donated because I like girls and rock. I was entered into a drawing and won, which doesn’t happen to me very often.

Anyway, Jess and her team were called “Pretty In Pink,” and they were all wearing pink dresses, she told me. I know that Jess and her friends are super into gorgeous vintage clothes, but there was no way I was going to have time to find something super rad to wear. In fact, I didn’t even own a pink dress. I went on Amazon and bought a ridiculous pink dress with flamingoes on it, because I’m a ridiculous person.

Jess and I doing our awkward prom pose.

I seriously debated wearing this hat with it.

So, I show up to the event and Jess and her teammates look AMAZING. Seriously. Beautiful, fun vintage dresses and tiaras – the works. Meanwhile, I’m wearing a $20 dress with flamingoes I bought on Amazon.

I texted David, “All of Jess’s friends look amazing and beautiful in their vintage dresses, and I’m wearing a $20 dress with flamingoes on it.”

“That’s why I love you,” he replied.

I’m such a goober.

Of course, it didn’t matter. Jess and her friends are rad people, and I had a great time. If you are interested in Bay Area Girls Rock Camp, you can check it out riiiight here.


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Dorking Out Episode 36: Oscar Party

Yeah, so, in this week’s episode of Dorking Out we try to figure out what the hell happened at the Oscars. What a cluster!

My co-host Smith actually came to my Oscar party, so I got to beat him in the Oscar pool in person, which is pretty fuckin’ rad. Oh, and we got to record the podcast while actually being in the same room together for the first time ever. That’s pretty fuckin’ rad, too.

Smith and I recorded a gaggle of Facebook Live videos throughout the broadcast, so if want to see what we really look like I suggest you check them out on Dorking Out’s Facebook page.

We have a crazy story about how my TV decided to crap out during the most important moment on the show. You should definitely listen to the podcast, so you can listen to me freak out about it. Also, I had been drinking, and that’s always entertaining.

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So, I predicted 16 out of 24 correctly, which is not super good, but it was enough to beat Smith, who guessed 15 correct. However, my friend Roger beat both of us, guessing 17 out of 24 correctly. That means he won the big ol’ bucket of movie theater candy.

We had a ton of Oscar-themed food this year, including enchi-La Las, Hacksaw Rice, Moonwine, Manchester By The Caesar, Hell Or High Water Farmhouse Dip, Guac-topia, Suicide Salsa, Kubo And The Two String Cheeses and Ale, Caesar (beer, duh). And, Roger and Katherine bought some “Jackie”-themed ice cream, which my high maintenance vegan ass couldn’t even eat. I heard it was good, though.

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So, yeah, I wore my “Oscar wiener” dress and Toby dressed up, too, in honor of my Homer, who was very, very missed. He always wore a bow tie on Oscar Sunday.

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So anyway, you can listen to Dorking Out here, or you can find us on iTunes, Stitcher and YouTube. If you listen to the show, I’d love to hear what you think. You can comment here, or on our website or Facebook page.


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Plaid Pants, Herb Gardens And Other Things I’m Loving Right Now

Yeah, so, let’s talk about the six things I’m loving right now.

The Pant from American Giant

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My mighty, mighty good man David is American Giant’s biggest fanboy. He’s always buying hoodies and sweatshirts from them. He’s the one who gave me the heads up about these pants, and I’m so glad he did. These pants are rad. They are comfortable and cute. They are perfect for lounging around the house and walking the dog, but if I put on a pair of boots and a cute top, you’d never know how comfortable I am.

Plaid Pants From ModCloth

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Speaking of pants, I bought these plaid pants from ModCloth, and I’m in love with them. I immediately went back and ordered a second pair in blue and green plaid. They are so stylish (if I don’t say so myself) and, well, they are just more fun than wearing jeans. I dress them up with some cute flats and a top, or dress ‘em down with my Converse and graphic tee.

My New Herb Garden

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I would be a terrible farmer. I kill all plants, and I look terrible in overalls.  David bought me an Aerospace Herb Garden for Christmas. It’s a small, counter top herb garden with a digital display that tells me when to water it, when to put in nutrients. Basically, it prevents me from killing it. I’m growing basil, thyme, dill, parsley, Thai basil and mint. And, as you can see, after two weeks I still haven’t managed to murder the herbs. I can’t wait to cook with them.

A Series Of Unfortunate Events

I don’t want to write about it too much here, because we’re going to talk about it on next week’s podcast. BUT, I really like what I’ve seen so far of this Netflix series. It’s got a “Pushing Daisies” vibe about it, and I’m digging it. I never read the books or saw the Jim Carrey movie. My niece Lorelei read all the books, and she’s a big fan of the series, watching all eight episodes in one day.

This Guy

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My good buddy Smith, co-host of Dorking Out with Chris and Sonia, works really hard on our show. I need to give him shout-out. While I’m the one that’s managing the blog and social media channels, he’s the one doing the much more difficult production work on Dorking Out, Dorking Out About Trailers, the Special Bulletins, AND the Pop Show for Assignment X. That’s a lot of unpaid work. I give him a lot of shit on the show, but he’s actually a good guy and a talented writer. You’ll get to find out for yourself soon when he releases his book, “Jett Jergens And The Infinity Key.” And that’s the last nice thing I’m going to say about him for a while, because if I say anymore he’ll get an even bigger head.

This Tweet

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Seriously, I’ve been laughing about this tweet since I saw it earlier this week.


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The Worst Wedding Photo Ever Taken

Yeah, so, this might be the worst wedding photo ever taken. It’s certainly the worst photo of me ever taken.

Let me set the scene … A three years ago in August, one of my longest friends (we don’t say oldest) Amanda got married. My sister Michelle and I were bridesmaids. It was a Gatsby-themed wedding, so we had flapper-style dresses and headbands. It was so hot that day – like 100 degrees. I was so damn hot. I was sweating through my Spanx. After the lovely ceremony, the photographer herded us together for photos. She took a lot of photos.

“Stand here.”

“Put your hand there.”

“Sit on his lap.”

“Give him a kiss on the cheek.”

It just went on and on. I was so over it. We were all over it. We were all ready for a cool drink … a cool drink with booze.

“OK, everybody jump in the air.”

So we jumped, and this is what happened.

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Everything about this photo is wrong.

First of all, why did the wedding photographer even send this photo to Amanda? This photo should have been deleted. You only send the good ones to the bride and groom – not this grotesque outtake.

Second, Michelle’s dress flew up and her underwear is showing. I’ve modified the photo to protect Michelle’s private parts from the internet. The groom, Brock, looks like he is hanging in mid-air. The bride is making a crazy face. The groomsmen look goofy. And then there’s me …

I don’t even know what to say about me in this photo. For some reason, I opted to not jump and instead decided to try to make it look like I’m jumping. Apparently, this is what I think someone jumping looks like.

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It’s not even close. I don’t know why I didn’t just jump. It makes absolutely no sense that I would pose myself to make it look like I was jumping, and then stand like this, which does not look like I’m jumping. I think I’m standing on my tippy-toes so I look taller. WTF? “Sonia is obviously jumping. She looks an inch taller.”

Also, I wonder if Amanda and Brock noticed that I brought two guests to their wedding. I brought my husband David and my double chin.

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And what the hell am I doing with my hand? My hand is deformed into some sort of hook hand. Is my hook hand supposed to make it look like I’m jumping? Did I think that’s what people do to their hands when they jump in the air? I have no logical explanation. “Sonia is obviously jumping. She’s an inch taller, and she’s got the hook hand.”

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I have been holding on to this photo for three years. I have no idea why I waited so long to write about it. I think I was kinda intimidated by the idea of writing about it – like I wouldn’t do it justice. But the truth is I don’t need to say anything about this photo. It’s an epic wedding photo fail, and the photo is worth more than a thousand words.

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Birthday Wrap Up

Yeah, so, my mighty, mighty good boy Calvin and I had a great birthday. Thanks for asking, you guys.

In the past, my mighty, mighty good man David and I took the day off from work, and we kept Calvin home from preschool and we did something fun. This year, we decided to send Calvin to school so he could have an afternoon cupcake party with his school buddies.

There are birthday parties at the preschool all the time, but the parents always bring in cupcakes made with egg, and since Calvin is allergic he can’t join in. Sometimes, the teachers give us a heads up and I bring in a special vegan cupcake for Calvin, or another special treat like popcorn. And sometimes the parents remember Calvin’s allergy and they bring in Oreos for him, which he loves, but they are no cupcakes.

This year instead of making 35 vegan cupcakes from scratch for the kids, I opted to use an egg replacer and made funfetti cupcakes from a box, because I’m busy and how dare you judge me! I don’t think they taste as good as my cupcakes, if I don’t say so myself, but they turned out great, and the kids were happy – especially Calvin. See?

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On Saturday, we had a little barbecue at our place for both Calvin’s birthday and my birthday (because ME ME ME), and I made my cupcakes for that party, so you can back off, Judgey McJudgeinstein.

We had a little pre-party excitement in that Toby decided to make a run for it again. Bad dog. This time I was walking him down the front steps and he was startled by a loud noise and wiggled right out of his collar. You see, I had just slapped the leash on his collar instead of using his harness. That will never happen again.

So, 20 minutes before the party was supposed to start, our dog ran away. Awesome, right?

David was at the store getting ice, so Calvin and I chased him for a while but he’s super fast, and we couldn’t keep up. Eventually, David came home, and he tagged in, and Calvin and I went back to the house to await guests.

I was upset. “Where’s your new dog, Sonia?” they’d ask. “Oh, he ran away,” I’d have to say.

I started panicking. I mean, really panicking, like having a panic attack. I was hyperventilating. I was thinking about taking an Ativan, but instead I called my sister, because I knew she was on her way to the party. While I was on the phone with her, David walked through the door with Toby. With the help of some amazing neighbors, David was able to catch him before any of the guests had arrived.

I was so relieved. I started hugging David and crying. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry,” I cried. “He got away from me. I’m so sorry.” I was sobbing

Calvin came up to me. “Mommy’s crying,” and he hugged me.

After that, I opened a beer, and that seemed to help settle me down. Beer is awesome like that.

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“I love to make Sonia cry. It’s my thing.”

The party was a big success … I think everyone had a good time. There was one other unfortunate event. My buddies Beegs and Sass’ little 2-year-old boy Levi got sick. He vomited a few times. Meh. Toddlers throw up, right? We were sure he was fine.

Well, it turns out that he had a nasty stomach flu. Beegs got it. Sass got it. My aunt Jeanne got it, and then I got it. What an unexpected party favor for everyone! Eh, what can you do? Kids get sick. It happens. It was a nasty flu. I feel bad that little Levi was that sick. Poor kid.

So, Sunday was my birthday, but luckily for me, this virus didn’t kick in until Monday morning. I’m so lucky, right?

Actually I do feel lucky. I had a good birthday. We took Toby to the dog park. Then we got back in time to watch the Giants beat the Dodgers and secure a spot in the Wild Card game, which they won on Wednesday, by the way, because even year, duh. Good buddy Kate came over to Calvin sit, and David and I went to dinner at a vegan sushi restaurant. Vegan sushi is a thing, and it’s awesome.

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One of the sushi rolls in the restaurant listed “suspense” as an ingredient.

Me: “What does suspense taste like?”
Waitress: “Actually, this roll comes with a shot of sake, and one of the pieces has a super-hot spice in it. If you eat the spicy piece, you get to drink the sake shot. That’s the suspense.”
David: “If you really want suspense, you should hide meat in one of the pieces.”

I had a delicious dinner with my handsome husband, who bought me a dorktastic “Star Trek” necklace that I absolutely adore. Sure, the next morning I had a stomach flu that knocked me on my ass for two days, but I’ve been sicker.

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Seriously, every day is like my birthday with these guys. I couldn’t be happier.

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Beach bums

Yeah, so, last weekend we went to Santa Cruz for some much-deserved fun.

My sister and her family go to Santa Cruz every year for three or four days. They’ve been going for years. They stay at a hotel near the boardwalk, and they just ride the rides, hit the beach and all that fun stuff. Other friends and family join them for a few days, but for years we didn’t go. We had other things going on or whatever. Last year, we went for a day trip, and we had a great time. This time, we decided to go for a few days.

But first, on our way to Santa Cruz, we visited Roaring Camp Railroad, which has a steam train. Apparently, for a few weeks out of the year, they dress up the train like Thomas the Tank Engine, and kids lose the fuckin’ shit for it, and it’s crowded as hell. We didn’t bother with that. Calvin just loves trains. It doesn’t matter if it’s Thomas or not. And when the steam train rolled up, Calvin’s mouth dropped. He was shaking he was so excited. It wasn’t a BART train. It wasn’t some little train at the zoo. It was a real train!

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All of the really good photos are by mighty, mighty good man David

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We booked a room at the Dream Inn in Santa Cruz because we’re so fancy. Also, David had Hotel.com points he could use to make it affordable. I love being near the water, and I love going to sleep to the sound of the ocean. This room had an ocean view and a heated pool (Calvin’s favorite). Calvin would wake in the morning and immediately ask, “Go to the pool?” It was Calvin heaven. It had an ocean view and room service, so it was my idea of heaven, too.

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A view!

When we weren’t lounging in our fancy hotel room, swimming in the heated pool or ordering room service for breakfast (because we’re not animals, you guys), we were walking the boardwalk or hanging out on the beach with our family and friends.

She's my best friend and my sister.

She’s my best friend and my sister.

I don’t want to brag, but it was super fun. I thought Calvin might be overwhelmed by the boardwalk. It can be crowded and loud. There’s a lot going on, but he really liked looking around.

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He had no interest in partaking of the rides, which is fine by me, because I don’t want to ride them either. I’m too old for roller coasters. They make me wanna puke. Also, I’m afraid they will cause me to die. But, Calvin loved walking up and down the boardwalk, especially at night with all the lights.

Unlike last year, in which he spent all his time sitting in a tide pool (or what I refer to as the seagull’s toilet), Calvin actually enjoyed playing in the sand this time. He loved smashing other people’s sand castles (bully!), and digging and filling up holes.

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We even had some good luck getting him to sit down in a restaurant – after we bribed him with things like chocolate milk or ice cream. Plus, he was really hungry from all the sand castle smashing.

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We had such an awesome time hanging out with everyone. And I love seeing Calvin playing with his cousins. After everything we went through last year, I know how much these moments mean to all of us. And Calvin is old enough know that he is going to start remembering these trips. He will say, “My family used to go to Santa Cruz every year. It was rad.” OK, maybe he won’t say “rad” but you get the idea.

I know Calvin had a good time, because within hours of being home Calvin said to us, “I want to go back to the beach.” And the next morning, he said, “I want to go to the pool.”

Same here, kid.


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My buddy

Yeah, so, my mighty, mighty good man David is traveling for work again this week, so The Boy and I are on our own. He’s my buddy. My buddy. Everywhere I go, he goes. My buddy.

morning

We have the same haircut.

On Sunday, we went for a hike through Glen Park Canyon with good buddy Kate and her dog, Foxie, who is Calvin’s favorite. I made the mistake of mentioning on Saturday that we would be seeing Foxie on Sunday. I spent the rest of Saturday explaining he was seeing Foxie on Sunday. It was pretty much this.

We had a good time on the hike. Glen Park Canyon is really great. The trail is as easy or complicated as you choose to make it. Sometimes, Calvin chooses to make it complicated.

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Photo by good buddy Kate

On Monday, with my babysitter husband out of town, I had to bring Calvin with me to my hair appointment. Every six or seven weeks I get my hair cut and colored with my sister Michelle, my niece Lorelei and one of my oldest friends Amanda. After our appointment, we go out to dinner, where I usually drink too much wine, and then drunken snap selfies of my new ‘do while I ride home on BART. It’s the best.

Hanging out a hair salon with a bunch of chicks isn’t exactly Calvin’s idea of a good time, but he made the best of it.

After being such a good sport at the hair salon, he was rewarded with a milkshake, or as he likes to say, “I’m drinking ice cream.” Plus, he got to hang out with Lorelei, and that’s pretty rad.

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I’m trying to braver about taking Calvin to restaurants. I get so worried about ruining people’s meals if he starts acting out. By “acting out” I mean he won’t sit down. He starts wandering the restaurant and even tries to go into the kitchen because he knows there’s something cool to watch going on back there. He’s not wrong. This time, he was pretty good. We sat outside, but there were ceiling fans inside. OMG CEILING FANS, you guys! He spent most of his time watching the fans through the window like a little creeper. I’m sure the patrons didn’t mind. “Why is that kid watching me eat?”

Peeping Calvin.

Peeping Calvin.

We have also been watching “Finding Nemo” together. It’s such a good movie – waaay better than “Finding Dory.” (I reviewed “Finding Dory” on Dorking Out – you should listen). He randomly says, “Shark bait. Oooh ha ha! He even loves the end credits song, which is “Beyond The Sea” by Robbie Williams. It has replaced the “Cars” soundtrack as his go-to music while driving to and from school. I’m not mad about it. I kinda like it. I’m just stoked he’s not into Justin Bieber or country music.

When David travels I also like to bake a treat with Calvin. He’s getting really good at stirring everything together … and licking the spoon. This time we made peanut butter cookies from a vegan cookbook. Sadly, they didn’t turn out as good as I hoped, but they were still pretty OK. Calvin didn’t have any complaints.

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We are downright giddy that David comes home this afternoon. I’m not just excited because that means we can finish watching “Stranger Things.” I really miss him when he is gone, and I know Calvin does, too.

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We got dressed up and went to a wedding

Yeah, so, last week my mighty, mighty good man David and I went to Joe and Megan’s wedding in Columbia.

Joe is one of David’s oldest friends. They are practically brothers, and David has always thought of Joe’s family as, well, family. Joe was the officiant at our wedding. See?

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It was time for David to return the favor. David did an awesome job, because he’s an awesome guy. He opened the ceremony with the opening lines of Prince’s “Let’s Go Crazy,” because it’s so rad. “Dearly beloved. We are gathered here today to get through this thing called life. Electric word ‘life.'”

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The officiant of this wedding is hot! I mean, he’s good looking, but also, he’s hot. It was like 100 degrees that day.

It was a great weekend. We got to visit with friends that we haven’t seen in a while. Plus, we had a reason to get dressed up all fancy and shit, and we love that. There was drinking and dancing – all good things.

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We’re so fancy.

We had a wonderful weekend in gold rush country. We didn’t pan for gold. I guess we were feeling lucky; however we did ride shotgun on a stagecoach. #humblebrag

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We didn’t bring mighty, mighty good boy Calvin to the wedding. I asked him if he wanted to go.

Me: “Do you want to go to a wedding where you have to sit still and be quiet, or do you want to go swimming with Grandma?”

Calvin: “Go swimming with Grandma.”

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Painted love

Yeah, so, in my continuing effort to get involved in more creative activities instead of just sitting around looking at social media channels to see what creative activities other people are doing, I went to my first-ever Paint Nite.

My sister Michelle and oldest friend Amanda suggested it, and – well – I couldn’t say no, because painting = creating. Also, they told me there was going to be booze, and I like booze.

I am sure I painted when I was a kid, and I painted a room once, but I’ve never painted on a canvas. I can’t even draw. Remember that time I was drawing with Calvin to entertain him?

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Those are supposed to be squirrels … STOP LAUGHING AT ME!

My artistic ability is, ummm, questionable, so I was quite dubious of how my painting would turn out. However, I never walk into any new activity and assume I will be instantly good at it. All activities require practice and skill. Painting was no exception. I won’t be quitting my day job to become a full-time painter. However, I did have a really good time.

Bonus points for Paint Nite: It’s relaxing. You guys, painting is relaxing! For just a little while I didn’t think about anything else. I was just trying not to screw up my painting. I wanted to paint something that I wouldn’t be completely ashamed to show people.

Check it and see. We are totally artists now.

This is what we were supposed to paint.

This is what we were supposed to paint.

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Michelle added lights to her Bay Bridge and buildings.

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Amanda hella hearts Oakland.

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Kate did her own thing, because she’s a rebel and doesn’t care for your rules!

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I’m totally lame and tried to make mine look like the example. #goober