The Sonia Show

Writer. Mocker. Beer drinker. Old movie watcher. Mother. Goober.


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Same company. Same job. New office. New people. Eeek!

Yeah, so, there have been a lot of changes my job recently. A pair of big bosses were fired laid off right after the new year, and for a while the team was working on a million projects to show the other big bosses that we were worth keeping.

It was stressful … for other people. Well, I mean, I didn’t want anyone to lose their job, but I try not to stress out about work. Work is just work. It’s not life. Losing your job isn’t as bad as say – oh I don’t know – getting cancer. I figure if I can deal with that, I can deal with it if my company decided to give me the boot.

They didn’t, of course, because I’m super awesome and amazing to work with. Instead, there was a ton of restructuring and now I report to the corporate overload’s director of content who works in — wait for it — San Francisco. You see, the corporate overload owns another company that is based in SF, and a several members of the content team work out of that office. I had no idea!

Even though the company I work for is based in Oakland, my boss said it would be a good idea if I worked at least a couple of days in the SF office. Obviously, I agree. This means I can walk down the hill from my house, get on BART, and be in the office in like 15 minutes. It was taking about an hour to get to the office every morning. It sucked.

So anyway, you guys … That means, for the first time since college, I am living and working in the same city! I am downright giddy about it.

I’ve worked at the same place for 8 years. I’m still doing the same job for the same company, but at a different location. I might even get some content support like – dare to dream – some copy editing. As good buddy Kate said, “It’s like getting a new job without getting a new job.”

I went into the office on Wednesday, and I made it very clear that I was super happy to be there. I practically did cartwheels and a happy dance. The next day I found a cube that would make a good home for me, and set up shop. I introduced myself to all the neighbors. “I’m moving in. Tell me to shut up if I get too loud.” Loud = eating all the free salt and vinegar potato chips from the kitchen, because this place provides snacks. Whaaaat?

You guys! I can even see out the window over my cubicle wall.

But wait, there’s more.

This place has a sparkling water dispenser. And, AND, there are bagels on Monday, fresh fruit on Wednesday, and there’s a full stocked refrigerator of drinks, including BEER AND WINE! I can’t comprehend that this company is owned by the same company that owns us. We don’t have a fully stocked refrigerator. In fact, last year they threatened to stop providing complimentary coffee and tea.

I will still be working in my old office once or twice a week, which is great because I’d miss my Oakland peeps. But it is really nice in the SF office. I feel at any minute the big bosses are going to say, “Send Sonia back to her old office full time.”


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Business, Business, Business, Numbers

Yeah, so, before I get to the Friday cuteness, I’ve got a few random things to share.

The second episode of Dorking Out About Trailers is here. Smith, P Biddy and I talk about “Rings,” “Cars 3” and “CHiPs.” We’re having a lot of fun with this one, including writing our own fake trailers that play before our discussion. I think they are kinda funny, if I don’t say so myself. You should listen.

I don’t talk about work here that often, unless I’m talking about the infamous Office Busybody. But, I did get some good work-related news. I got a promotion, kinda. My title hasn’t changed. I’m still the Content and Social Media Marketing Manager, but I got a nice pay bump, more responsibilities and even my own budget to manage. Oh la la. I’m so fuckin’ professional and shit now.

I will be spending even more time on social media, and I will get to work on some fun marketing projects, including videos. I don’t have a lot of experience with that, but it will be a great thing to learn. Unfortunately, it also means I have to deal with things like “revenue forecasts” and crap like that.

unikitty2

So anyway, here’s your Friday cuteness.

sleepingdogs

Bed buddies.

Umm, fur is murder, Toby.

“It’s a cruelty-free fur wrap.” – good buddy Katie


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Gleaming the cube

Yeah, so, see you on the other side.

I’ve been at my current job for more than seven years. I’ve spent about six of those years in the same cubicle. So, imagine my surprise when the powers that be decided that I need to move into another cube … the one of the other side of my current cubicle wall.

hello

Huh? Apparently, it needed to happen. So, I cleaned out my desk and tossed out a lot of old junk. It’s a good thing. It will be less work for me when this company lays me off, which I’m sure will happen any minute now.

I threw away a ton of stuff. I didn’t get too crazy. I mean, I haven’t read “The Life-Changing Magic Of Tidying Up” or anything. But I did have a lot of crap in my desk, including expired vitamins and aspirin, ultrasound photos of the spawn, a pair of tennis shoes I thought I lost, and tons and tons of stolen Splenda packets. I don’t even use Splenda anymore, because I’m pretty sure that shit causes cancer.

I’m getting situated in my new cube. It took me an entire morning to get the computer monitors set up the way I like it. And I’ve arranged and rearranged my nerd corner countless times, but I think I’m relatively situated now … just in time for them to lay me off.

Squad goals.

Squad goals.

Now, a whole-new side of the office gets to listen to me sigh loudly, make assy comments and ignore my ringing desk phone. They’re so lucky, right?


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I always feel like someone is watching me

Yeah, so, I just discovered that our company put up a security camera in our office. We had a series of break-ins last year, and apparently, they installed this security camera while I was on my chemo-cation.

I don’t really care. I mean, if someone wants to watch me sit in my cube and pretend to work all day, then enjoy. It’s like an episode of “The Office,” but boring and even more cringe-inducing. Maybe they can play a drinking game. Drink every time Sonia:

  • Rolls her eyes
  • Leaves early
  • Makes a horrible pun
  • Says “I’m not your Doralee” to her boss

The security guard will be wasted within hours.

Of course, now that I know about it, I’ve started talking to the camera.

“It’s OK, Security Camera. I’m just getting more tea. I’m not stealing it. It’s free. It’s peppermint tea, in case you are wondering.”

“I’m going to use the bathroom, Security Camera. I’ll be right back.”

“Guess who’s eating carrots and hummus again in her cube, Security Camera? It’s me!”[holding up a tub of hummus]

Sometimes I do a little dance in front of it. Sometimes I just stand there, and smile and wave. I have a feeling that whoever is watching the footage is not impressed.

watching


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Non-dairy creamer has dairy in it. WTF?!

Yeah, so, I was getting a cup of tea at work, because I like to have a cup of tea with me in meetings.  I also like to wear a monocle and talk in a British accent. It’s my new thing. I’m super proper and respectable and shit when I’m at work.

So anyway, as I was getting my tea I noticed that we have powdered non-dairy creamer in the cabinet, and I decided to read the label because apparently I don’t have enough work to do at work.

nondairy

Hey Powdered Non-Dairy Creamer! Stop fuckin’ lying to yourself and everyone else. You’ve got milk listed right in your ingredients. Why does something called “non-dairy creamer” have milk in it? Isn’t that like a garden burger having meat in it?

So, I looked it up. Apparently, “non-dairy creamer” means the lactose has been removed, but it still may contain the milk protein casein.

themoreyouknow

I don’t think non-dairy creamer is a very accurate name. They should call it lactose-free creamer, or maybe “nasty fuckin’ powdered shit for your coffee.” Seriously, that stuff is gross. I don’t know. Maybe this non-dairy creamer fact is common knowledge, and you’re thinking, “Hey dumbass, everyone knows that.”

Well, you don’t need to be so rude about it. Good day! I said, GOOD DAY!

Oh, I can’t stay mad at you. Here’s a video of my kid dancing to the song from the new “Peanuts” movie.

 


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The Notorious OBB Strikes Again

Yeah, so, the Notorious OBB is at it again.

Office Busybody and I have been working in the same office for more than 6 years. So, for more than 6 years I’ve been dealing with her obsessions with my lunches and my restroom habits. She’s just two cubes down from me. I think she heard me explaining what I do to a visitor from our corporate office, which resulted in the following conversation.

OBB: “You’re a writer, Sonia? Is that what you do here?”
Me: “Yes. I manage our blog and Ideas & Inspiration section. I manage our social media, and write all our emails. That’s what I’ve been doing in this cube for the six years we’ve been working together.”
OBB: “Oh, I didn’t know you were a writer, Sonia.”

1120officespace2

This explains why last week she was asking me about our benefits enrollment to which I responded, “I’m not HR. Go ask HR.”

I thought about asking her what she does in the office, just to fuck with her. I know damn well what she does, because she is super loud and everyone in the office can hear her all the time.


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Having a nasty cough is so hot right now

Yeah, so, remember when I wrote about how I was sick nine days ago? It turns out the nasty cough has taken up residence in my lungs, and it has no plans to leave. And I, for one, do not welcome my new cough overlord, so I’m drinking another hot toddy to kill it and blogging.

Wheeee.

This cough has given me a raspy, some might even say sexy, voice that is going over really well in the office. Maybe it’s good timing, because work has been frustrating, and I’ve been having to get my bitch on. My raspy voice is probably the little sugar that makes the medicine go down, or whatever that stupid saying is.

Here’s a little quiz I’m thinking about having some folks at work take:

Is Sonia having it?

a) Sonia is having it.
b) Sonia is not having it.

Hint: The answer is b.

bitches

I understand that work is work that’s why it’s called “work” and not “super happy fun time.” Truth is I don’t usually let work upset me, because, really, work is just work. It’s my job to make money. I do care, and I take great pride in my work, but it’s not my life. My life is my family and my friends. But still, I’m frustrated with work right now.

Ugh.

Let’s talk about something cuter …

So, The Kid is really into accessorizing these days. The other day he wore a hat to preschool.

hatguy

 

Today, he wore sunglasses.

sunglasses

 

At home, he has become very obsessed with our glasses.

readingglasses

Both of The Kid’s parents wear glasses, and he doesn’t, but he wants to be like us because he’s 2.5 years old and doesn’t know any better, so – of course – he wants to wear glasses, too. He will learn soon enough that he doesn’t want to be like his parents, because we’re dorks. In the meantime, we will revel in the fact that our spawn thinks we’re the shit.


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I’m the office idiot. Oh good.

Yeah, so, I apologize for the lapse in blog posts, but the weather has been really nice, and the San Francisco Giants have been playing really well … And, you don’t really care, do you? I’ll just get to the good stuff.

So, I went to ILM last week for lunch. One of David’s good buddies, Ryan, works there, and he gave us a tour. It was pretty cool. Of course, I totally geeked out about all the “Star Wars” stuff.

Darth Vader selfie.

Darth Vader selfie.

I know.

I know.

My Mother's Day gift.

My Mother’s Day gift.

Ryan even introduced us to someone who is working on the new “Star Wars” movie, but I didn’t ask her anything about it, because I’ve decided I don’t want to know. I’m not reading any of the articles about the new movie. Big fans of any particular movie can get obsessed with details, trying to find out everything they can about casting, plot details and more. I have decided I would rather just see the movie. I don’t want to know anything. I know. Weird, right? So old fashioned.

Speaking of old, my company hired a new employee, and the poor guy is sitting on the other side of my cubicle wall. He’s a younger guy, and I’m sure he thinks I’m a totally lame old lady. I feel so sorry for him. He has to listen to my assy shit all day long. Last week he got to overhear me leaving a voicemail for someone in the corporate office that went like this: “This is Sonia Mansfield returning your call. You can call me back at … Oh … Umm … I don ‘t know my own desk number. I will email you my number. Thank you. Bye.”

Seriously. I’ve worked here for five years, and I’ve had the same phone number the entire time. I didn’t know my own number. I don’t call myself. We almost never use the phone around the office other than to call into conference calls. Everyone is on Google Talk. So, yeah, I dug out my business card and put it on my desk so it won’t happen again.

It was shortly after that incident that I discovered I never made an outgoing message on my desk phone, too. So then my new neighbor got to listen to the office manager explain to me how a phone works, which made me feel all kinds of smart.

The week before that my headset wouldn’t work for some reason, and after a few minutes of “can you hear me now” my new neighbor came over and fixed it for me.

He must think I’m the biggest idiot of all time. He probably goes out after work and regales his friends with stories of the office idiot who can’t figure out her phone. You know, the way I like to regale my tens of readers with stories about the office busybody.

In other news, the Spawn is practically swimming. Check it and see.

He is so brave … and tall! He’s only 2.5 years old, and he can walk around in the shallow end of a swimming pool. He may not be where he needs to be talking-wise, but he’s ahead of the game in swimming. Also, he’s really cute.

cookiemonster

Have a great weekend, you guys!

 

 


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The week in review: iPhones, football and luggage

Yeah, so, I took a teeny, tiny blog break, but I’m back. So, let’s just do a little week in review…

I’m an iPhone person now.

I know. I know. Don’t judge me.

All of my smartphones had been Android phones. I had a Samsung Galaxy S2, but it was a piece of shit with a slow camera, had no cell signal and battery life that lasted as long as it took me to eat a burrito at my desk (so about two minutes). I put up with that lemon for two years, because I’m stupid, lazy and cheap. Finally, I upgraded to a LG G2 last week, which had a great battery life, but it had a power button that only liked to work sometimes. I know the feeling, Power Button. I only want to work sometimes, too, but I need you to work all the time. So, I ditched it for a white iPhone 5C. I didn’t get one in a bright color, because I’m not a teenage girl. Also, the store only had white ones. Racists.

I’m not an Apple person. I use a PC, and I have a Kindle Fire. My iPhone is like the Winchester Mystery House to me. It has settings for things I don’t understand and random boxes that need to check or unchecked for some things to work or not. So, for almost week I have been pestering mighty, mighty good man David. “How do I [insert stupid question here]?” That poor man. Being married to me is so awesome.

I will spare you the long story about how, in the process of searching for the perfect phone, we had to break up with one phone company because they were assholes and switched to another one. Let me just say, all these phone plans are pretty much the same, and what makes them stand apart is customer service. So when your customer service sucks, it’s not a big deal to leave. So, yeah, fuck you, Sprint.

So anyway, let’s talk about something else … You know I’m a baseball person, right? Football ain’t my thing, but I do like it when our local teams win. David is a casual football fan, meaning he is aware of it, but doesn’t watch it very often. He roots for the home team, which in this case is the 49ers, but his real team is the Seahawks. I know. Eww. David is a mighty, mighty good man, but nobody’s perfect. He’s pretty cute in his gear, though. See?

 seahawksfan

Speaking of cute, we took The Boy to the playground last week so he could run around and get tired. At one point, he was playing in the sandbox, having a good ol’ time.  Then he fled the sandbox for the play structure and slides. He was roaming all around the playground. Finally, I caught up with him, and I gave him a little hug.

“Hey buddy. Oh. You’ve got a little sand on your back. Oh wait … You’ve got a little sand in your diaper. Oh wait! You filled your diaper with sand. Why did you fill your diaper with sand, buddy?”

I could hear some other parents laughing, and they were right to laugh. I was laughing, too. I also laugh when their kids fall down, so I have it coming.

It was like The Boy had pulled his diaper out and scooped the sand in, which he might have done. Why would he do that? It couldn’t comfortable, yet he was running around the playground like he didn’t have a diaper full of sand. Weirdo.

sandmonster

So, next month is my five-year anniversary at my job. Ha ha! Those suckers. For my anniversary, I got to pick out my own gift, because apparently working for this company is like being married to a clueless man. “Just buy yourself something pretty.”

My choices were ugly necklaces (really?), watches (old timey!), a boom box (I’m not joking) and some tool sets. Tools for the tools, huh? I picked the luggage. I figure I could keep it under my desk so when they lay me off I’ll be ready to go.

luggage

I kid! A lot has happened to me since I started working in the cube five years ago. I got breast cancer, and this place gave me a ton of time off when it didn’t have to, and continued to pay me and let me go into vacation-time debt. I got married, and the office chipped in and bought me a gift. They tried to throw me a surprise party, but unfortunately my boss cc’d me on the email. The company let me go even further into vacation debt so I could go on my honeymoon. They tolerated my nonstop eating during my pregnancy, and people covered for me while I was out on maternity leave. Plus, I met my office buddies Jennifer and Paul. Oh, and let’s not forget the office busybody, who has given me tons of blog material. What else can I ask for?

I might complain sometimes about my job, but that’s only because it’s a job, and work is stupid. There are some good people here, and I feel pretty lucky.

Speaking of jobs, did you guys find David a job yet? Seriously, you guys, get busy and find my man a new job.


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I’m awesome at everything. Thanks for asking

Yeah, so, one of the things that cracks me up about working in an office is the self performance review.

Does your office do that? I was never asked to do a self performance review at any of my other jobs.

“So, let me get this straight: You want me to review my own work performance, and you are going to use it when deciding my pay raise? Interesting …”

Obviously, I put down that I’m awesome at everything. Duh.  Like I’m really going to put something negative: “I steal Equal packets from the kitchen and take long lunches.”

I’ve also been asked to weigh in on my coworkers’ performance reviews. “What should Paul stop doing?” “He should stop being so awesome. He’s making us all look bad.” “What should Susan start doing?” “She should start going out to lunch. She hangs around the microwave when I’m warming up my lunch. I’m running out of small talk topics, and it’s awkward.”

As you can see I’m not too worried about losing my job. Every office is required by state law to have at least one wacky redhead who wears cute dresses and says funny things. The law was passed in the ’90s, and it’s called the “Suddenly Susan/NewsRadio Law.” I’m a protected class, you guys.