The Sonia Show

Writer. Mocker. Beer drinker. Old movie watcher. Mother. Goober.


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Not My President

Yeah, so, I just don’t know what to say. I’m shocked. I truly believed that people in this country would do the right thing, and vote for Hillary Clinton. Instead, they elected a monster.

They elected a lying, sexist, racist, homophobic, hypercritical, serial sexual-assaulting asshole.

So, let’s all say good-bye to affordable health care. It was nice while it lasted, gay marriage. So long, a woman’s right to choose.

Say hello to women being second-class citizens again, deporting people based on their religion, breaking up families, a shitty economy, sky-rocketing gas prices, and easy access to guns for felons and mentally ill.

This fuckin’ waste of space was endorsed by the KKK. We will now have a president who thinks it’s OK to mock people with disabilities and special needs, and to sexually assault women. I don’ t know how I’m going to tell my autistic son that this country elected a president that thinks it’s OK to make fun of him. Good job, America.

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I’m so ashamed and embarrassed. I’m so worried for my gay friends and family. I’m so worried for my Muslim, African-American and Latino friends. I’m so worried for the millions of people who are going to be stripped of their health care.

I was going to write a blog post along the lines of “Well, we had a good run, America,” but I can’t bring myself to be flippant today. This election result wasn’t based the economy, jobs or Hillary’s emails. This election was based on hate and fear. It was based on racism, sexism and homophobia. People who say any different are lying to you and possibly to themselves.

What I always do when I feel helpless is I donate money. I can’t always donate my time, but I can donate money to organizations that fight for what’s right. I will be donating to Planned Parenthood, ACLU and a to-be-determined climate change organization. Also, I fully intend to give Donald Trump all the respect that Republicans gave President Obama throughout the past 8 years.

To all the good people in this country: You have one day to lick your wounds and feel sorry for yourself, and then tomorrow we go back to work and fight for what’s right.


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Dorking Out Episode 6: ‘Bad Moms,’ ‘Jason Bourne’ and ‘Harry Potter’

Yeah, so, we review a lot of stuff in this week’s Dorking Out podcast.

Smith and my brother-in-law Tony Hicks, who also happens to be a movie critic for the Bay Area News Group (fancy!), review “Jason Bourne.” I chime in with assy questions and comments, because I didn’t see it. No, as a woman and a mother it was my duty to see “Bad Moms.”

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We review “Bad Moms” in our third segment. Did I like it? You’ll have to listen and find out.

We kick off the podcast with a review of “Harry Potter and the Cursed Child,” which dropped Saturday at midnight. Smith is a good kid who does his homework. He read the entire thing, while I only managed to read the first act. Sorry, but I had kids’ birthday parties to attend this weekend, which I guess makes me a good mom, but a bad podcaster.

You can listen to this week’s Dorking Out riiight here, or you can find us on iTunes, Stitcher, and YouTube.

 

 


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Dorking Out Episode 4: Ghostbusters review

Yeah, so, we ain’t afraid of no ghostbros. Smith and I review the new “Ghostbusters” movie. Did it ruined our childhood? You’ll have to listen to find out.

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We also talk about last week’s Emmy nominations. Plus, Smith reviews “The Fifty-Year Mission,” which is an oral history of “Star Trek.” Oh, and long-time good buddy Aaron explains Pokemon Go to us.


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I always feel like someone is watching me

Yeah, so, I just discovered that our company put up a security camera in our office. We had a series of break-ins last year, and apparently, they installed this security camera while I was on my chemo-cation.

I don’t really care. I mean, if someone wants to watch me sit in my cube and pretend to work all day, then enjoy. It’s like an episode of “The Office,” but boring and even more cringe-inducing. Maybe they can play a drinking game. Drink every time Sonia:

  • Rolls her eyes
  • Leaves early
  • Makes a horrible pun
  • Says “I’m not your Doralee” to her boss

The security guard will be wasted within hours.

Of course, now that I know about it, I’ve started talking to the camera.

“It’s OK, Security Camera. I’m just getting more tea. I’m not stealing it. It’s free. It’s peppermint tea, in case you are wondering.”

“I’m going to use the bathroom, Security Camera. I’ll be right back.”

“Guess who’s eating carrots and hummus again in her cube, Security Camera? It’s me!”[holding up a tub of hummus]

Sometimes I do a little dance in front of it. Sometimes I just stand there, and smile and wave. I have a feeling that whoever is watching the footage is not impressed.

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The Pop Show #8: Oscar nominations and Oscar The Grouch

Yeah, so, I have all kinds of thoughts and feelings about this year’s Oscar nominations, and we discuss them on this week’s Pop Show podcast.

We also talk about “Sesame Street” airing on HBO and the death of David Bowie. I think we even talk about the price of printer ink, so we’re kinda all over the place … as usual.

You can listen to the podcast riiiight here, or check us out on iTunes.

 

 

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Singin’ in the train

Yeah, so, here’s a totally true story about how I started singing Michael Jackson’s “I Just Can’t Stop Loving You” on BART with some random guy.

I was riding back to San Francisco from Lafayette after my hair appointment. And yeah, I get my hair done in Lafayette. Oh, and yeah, I know I hardly have any hair, but I still color it, because I’m not ready to be gray yet. Oh, and yeah, I know that with a faux hawk I look like Ed Grimely.

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So anyway, this hair appointment that is every six weeks isn’t just a hair appointment. My sister, my oldest friend Amanda, and my 13-year-old niece Lorelei join me. We all get our hair done together, and then we go out to dinner. I drink several glasses of wine and take BART home. It’s our thing, and our thing is awesome.

So, I was riding home on BART, kinda tipsy as usual — just listening to music, looking at Instagram and trying to stay off Facebook because I don’t want to read about how Donald Trump has gone Full Hitler. It’s depressing.

A man, possibly homeless, definitely off in some way sat down next to me. He pointed at my Star Wars Vans.

Him: “I like your shoes.”
Me: “Thank you.”
Him: “You know those things outside of Oakland? Those structures? Spielberg used them as inspiration for those big walking things in ‘Star Wars.’”
Me: “I know.”

I didn’t bother to correct him that it was George Lucas, not Steven Spielberg, and those things are called AT-ATs and they were in “The Empire Strikes Back.” Wearing Star Wars-shoes is nerdy enough, and I don’t need to school some random guy on Bart about all things Star Wars. Also, Lucas says that’s a myth, but whatever, it’s still a cool story.

At this point, I took out my earbuds. Instead of staring at my phone and reading about other people’s experiences, I was going to talk to this guy.

Him: “I’m not wearing my nice Italian loafers today, because it’s going to rain.”
Me: “I think it’s supposed to rain on Thursday, so you could still wear them for a few days this week.”
Him: “And I have this nice jacket. I bought it in Hollywood in a thrift store. I like to think a famous person used to wear it.”
Me: “It’s a nice coat. I bet someone famous used to own it. It looks good on you, though.”

He went on to tell me that he wants to be a good person, and that he tries to live his life with the morals that he learned from his grandma and great grandma.

Him: “People say that Oakland is a violent city, but I don’t think so.”
Me: “I don’t think so, either. I love Oakland.”
Him: “I think I’m a good person, because I love God. A lot of people say they love God, but they don’t practice what they preach. They don’t really love God.”
Me: “Amen. I wish more people tried to be good people.”
Him: “I just love God so much. You know that song, ‘I Just Can’t Stop Loving You’?”
Me: “Of course I do. That’s Michael Jackson.”
Him: “That’s how I feel about God.” [starts singing] “I just can’t stop loving you. I just can’t stop loving you.”

So then I started singing with him

“I just can’t stop loving you. I just can’t stop loving you. And if I stop … Then tell me, just what will I do. Cuz I just can’t stop loving you.”

He smiled at me, and shook my hand.

Him: “You know your number is 3, right?”
Me: “Is it?”
Him: “Your number is 3. That’s the highest number.”
Me: “How does that work?”
Him: “3 gives off all the positive vibrations. There’s a light around you.”
Me: “That’s good to know. It makes me happy to think there’s a light around me. Thank you.”

At this point, the strap of my purse had fallen off my shoulder. He pushed it back up on my shoulder.

Him: “Be careful. Keep your bag close to you. … When is your birthday?”
Me: “October 2.”
Him: [his eyes got all big] “SEE?! October is 10. 1 + 0 + 2 = 3! 3!”
Me: “I guess I am a 3.”

When we rolled into the Embarcadero station he asked me my name.

Him: “Sonia, it was really good to meet you. Have a good night.”
Me: “It was really nice to meet you, too. Have a good night, sir.”

We shook hands, and he got off the train before I could ask him his name.


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The Seven-Year Itch

Yeah, so, I can’t believe it’s been seven years since I went on my last-ever first date.

Then.

Then.

Now.

Now.

Happy dating anniversary to my mighty, mighty good man David!

I don’t even know what else to say. He’s my favorite person. He’s the best husband, father and friend a girl can ask for. I’m fuckin’ stoked that he agreed to be introduced to me seven years ago by a mutual friend. I can’t imagine what my life would be like without him. I’m sure it would really suck. I’m sure Calvin can’t image what his life would be like without David, because Calvin wouldn’t exist. I wouldn’t have agreed to have a baby with anyone else, so you’re welcome, world!

 


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Legends of the fall

Yeah, so, it’s finally starting to feel like fall here in San Francisco.

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I love fall. I love sweaters and boots and scarves and cute dresses with tights. Wheeee! It’s my favorite. And now I’m finished with chemo, and I’ve had my last breast reconstruction surgery, so I can just kick back and enjoy the shit out of my favorite time of the year. October through the New Year is THE BEST.

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I just want to eat and drink pumpkin everything, and start watching holiday-themed movies from “It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown” to “The Thin Man” (which is our New Year’s Eve tradition). OK, well, maybe not pumpkin spice everything …

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Pumpkin spice vodka? Come on, you guys. That’s gross. You’re taking the pumpkin spice thing too far. I read that pumpkin spice hummus and pumpkin spice gum exists. Plus, there’s such a thing as pumpkin spice beef jerky. I wouldn’t eat that shit when I ate meat. Ewww.

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So, yeah, I’m excited that fall is here. I get to bust out all my cute clothes, but I’m also excited that my hair is starting to look less like a result of chemo and more like style choice. It’s happening! My hair is really coming in, including my eyebrows. Eyebrows, you guys!

Current hair status.

Current hair status.

My eyelashes are growing back, too. Of course, all of this exciting hair growth means I’m back to having to shave my legs like a normal person again, but I think I’m up to the challenge.

Oh, one more thing: Now that I can drink beer again and things are getting back to normal, the podcast Old Movies, New Beer will be returning soon. If you haven’t listened to my annoying voice before, this is your chance! Also, we take requests, so if you have a movie you’d love to hear mighty, mighty good man David and I get drunk and discuss, let us know in the comments on Old Movies, New Beer.

 


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Rack ’em up

Yeah, so, here’s the latest update from Recovery Island: I’m all good.

I’m good, you guys. The surgery on Thursday went really well. There were no problems at all. I didn’t have a panic attack. I didn’t start crying. I didn’t have an allergic reaction to anything. The nurse even found a vein easily for my IV. I was at the hospital at 5:30 a.m., and I think I was home on the couch by 1 p.m.

Mighty, mighty good man David came to see after surgery in the recovery room and snapped a photo. He said this was the best I’ve looked in the recovery room after all my various surgeries. I was alert, not in pain and munching on a snack of graham crackers and apple juice boxes, which I’m pretty sure is the same snack my 4-year-old son gets every day at preschool.

Thumbs up to new boobs!

Thumbs up to new boobs!

I took the pain meds for a few days, but I’m off the good stuff now. Interestingly enough, the boobs were kinda sore, but the incision where they removed the port seemed to be the most painful. I suspect the boobs are used to surgeries, but the area where they port was is not used to it.

But, most importantly, the new boobs look pretty good.

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Nice rack, and by “nice” I mean “even.”

I got the bandages off today, and my boobs are even. They are still swollen, but they are the same size. No more tissue expander on the right side that’s as hard as a rock. No more uncomfortable port on the left. I’m living the dream. And while it sucks that I had a second mastectomy, and it sucks that I have two fake knockers, I am stoked to have two boobs that are even and the same size. I haven’t had that since I got knocked up in January 2011.

I’m so happy to have this last surgery over with. Now I just need to rest, heal and take all the antibiotics they give me to fight off any chance of infection. And when I’m ready, I’ve got a ton of tops and dresses that are ready to be worn after a long hiatus.

While I was on Recovery Island, mighty, mighty good boy Calvin stayed with my mom. He had an amazing time as always. He LOVES his Grandma. She’s his best friend.

Lining up rocks is fun!

Lining up rocks is fun!

Actually, one day he had too much fun, and he fell asleep between the living room and the kitchen.

This is the perfect spot for a nap.

This is the perfect spot for a nap.

While The Kid  was at Grandma’s place, I was chillin’ on the couch watching movies. David and I watched “The Avengers: Age of Ultron” and, well … it was fine. It’s a big ol’ entertaining mess. I didn’t love it. Coincidentally, I had rewatched “Guardians of the Galaxy” earlier that day, and it’s so great that “Ultron” kinda pales by comparison. I liked the first “Avengers” movie. I thought it was fun. I love the “Captain America” movies, and I’m looking forward to the next one. So, just in case you are keeping track at home, I love the “Captain America” movies and “Guardians of the Galaxy.” The rest of the Marvel movies are just fine.

So anyway, Monday was mighty, mighty good dog Homer’s birthday.

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He’s 14. I know, right? He’s an elder statesman. To celebrate David made a burger just for Homer. Spoiled dog. Homer is such a good dog. He’s starting to show his age. He can’t see or hear as well as he used to. Homer crawls into our bed when we leave the house, and sometimes we’re home for more than an hour before he realizes we’re home. He’s having trouble going up and down the stairs in front of the house. David carries him down the stairs before taking him on his little walks. Homer has also been having accidents in the house without realizing that he’s doing it. Between Homer and trying potty train Calvin, we’re constantly cleaning up pee. Jealous?

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We are keeping a close eye on Homer. We don’t want him to be in any pain or suffering. And I don’t want him doing anything in which he can hurt himself, such as trying to jump up on the couch, etc. But he seems to be doing pretty good. He still gets frisky and asks us to throw around a toy for him. His nose still works great, because he is constantly stealing food from Calvin.

And that’s pretty much the update for now. I’m kickin’ it on Recovery Island for the rest of the week. I am almost through the third season of “Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries,” so I am taking suggestions for movies or TV shows to watch while I’m still recovering. Have you watched any of the new TV shows? I don’t think I’ve watch one new show.


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Opportunity knock(er)s

Yeah, so, I’m getting my new knockers on tomorrow.

I’m never excited about going under the knife, but I am excited about the idea of being finished with surgery for a long time. This is the last one, you guys. After this I’m done DONE.

I have been feeling so good lately. My energy is pretty much back to normal. And while I still don’t really look like my usual self (my eyebrows are FINALLY starting to grow in), I’m feeling more like my usual self. It might be difficult to go back to sitting on Recovery Island, but I think the valium they prescribe will help. Ha! Also, I have been saving the new season of “Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries” on Netflix, so I have that going for me.

jealous

Oh man, I can’t wait for this surgery to be over with. I have all kinds of tops and dresses that I haven’t been able to wear since the mastectomy in January. Not to mention, this really will be the first time since I got pregnant in 2011 that my boobs will be same size. Sorry if that’s TMI, but it’s true. When I got pregnant I had already had a mastectomy on the left side — that means the fake left side stayed the same size while the real right boob got huge during pregnancy. After Calvin was born, the right side eventually got smaller, but it was never same. I’ve been walking around with an uneven rack ever since. So, after this surgery, for the first time in more than 4 years, my boobs will be the same size. I’ll be living the dream. Wheeeee!

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Mighty, mighty good boy Calvin is going to hang with my parents through the weekend while I recover. Hanging out with Grandma is way more fun that hanging out with Mommy while she’s high on pain killers … I think. Mighty, mighty good dog Homer is staying with me. He’s my recovery animal. I need him.

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So anyway, I’m reporting to the hospital at 5:30 a.m. The surgery is about two hours (an hour for each boob perhaps?), and I should be home sitting on my fat ass at home before 1 p.m. So, if you want to send me your good vibes and positive thoughts on Thursday, I will gladly accept them.