The Sonia Show

Writer. Mocker. Beer drinker. Old movie watcher. Mother. Goober.


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Lipstick Jungle

Yeah, so, I have an addiction.

No, not beer. But good guess, you guys!

I cannot stop buying lipstick. I have 30 different lipsticks – most of them are some variation of red. I don’t mean, “Oh, I have a few tubes of lipstick.” I mean, I have a lot of lipsticks.

I have 30 different lipsticks. I have a drawer in my bathroom that is mostly filled with lipstick. I usually have two or three of them in my purse at any given time.

This is a ridiculous amount of lipstick, right?

I don’t buy a lot of the cosmetics. I have one foundation I use. I have one face power I use. I don’t wear eye shadow or mascara. I do fill in my eyebrows, but I’ve only got one powder that I use for that, too.

It’s all about lipstick for me. I’ll just stroll through Target, Walgreen, Rite Aid, wherever, and I’ll end up buying a lipstick and maybe a tinted lip balm, even though I don’t need them.

My makeup drawer is jam-packed with lipstick, and if I try to clean it out, I end up keeping almost of them.

“No, I can’t get rid of that one. I might wear it.”

“Oh, what if I run out? I might need that one if I’m desperate.”

“I wore that lipstick on my wedding day almost 8 years ago. I can’t get rid of that one. It’s sentimental.”

I wish I was exaggerating.

I have two feet worth of lipstick.

I have a Toby and a half of lipsticks.

I have a Kubo and a half of lipstick.

I have two wine bottles worth of lipstick.

I’m not sure why I keep buying lipstick, when I already have so many. Maybe I’m hunting for the perfect lipstick; the one that will be that perfect shade of red and last all day without rubbing off when I eat and drink and without drying out my lips and makes me look 15 years younger and 30 pounds lighter.

I mean, are all those things too much to ask from one lipstick? GAWD!

Tell me about your makeup drawer. What are you collecting in there?

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My Totally Boring Dream Story

Yeah, so, I had a dream the other night … Hey, where are you going? I get it. Dream talk is boring. Come on. It’s a short story.

Anyway, in the dream, my mighty, mighty good man David said I was stupid, and he was going to divorce me.

“You fooled me for a while, but you are really stupid. I will be letting the zoo know that we are divorcing,” he said.

So, just to be clear, in my dream, it was David’s top priority to let the zoo know that our family membership status would be changing.

I told him about my dream the next morning.

“Well, you don’t want to mess with the zoo people,” he replied.

And now, whenever we have a disagreement David says, “Oh that’s it. I’m calling the zoo.”

 


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Dorking Out Episode 58: Our Favorite Movies Of The 2000s

Yeah, so, we share our favorite movies of the 2000s in this week’s Dorking Out.

I worked on this list off and on for weeks beforehand, which is ridiculous because it’s not like it’s a binding legal document. I was determined to have some variety on the list, and I really didn’t want it to be like every other movie lover’s list.

I made a few rules for myself in compiling the list, including considering a movies “rewatch-ability factor.” I think I did pretty OK. Please remember that my list are my favorite movies, not the best movies. My list of movies that I would argue are the best would be very different and probably include movies such as “Children of Men,” “Pan’s Labyrinth” and “Inglorious Basterds.” You know, influential shit like that.

So anyway, you can listen to our podcast here, or you can find us on iTunes and Stitcher. If you listen to the show, I’d love to hear what you think. You can comment here, or on our website or Facebook page.


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Maybe It’s The Theraflu Talking But …

Yeah, so, I am on Day 6 of the never-ending flu.

All week I’ve been coughing, blowing my nose and having weird fever dreams. Good times. I missed three days of work, and I had to work from home on Thursday and Friday. I need to go to see “Baby Driver” for this week’s Dorking Out, but I’m still coughing. I don’t want to ruin the movie for everyone by coughing throughout the movie. I’m hoping by Sunday morning, I’m coughing less so I can see it before we record on Sunday night.

I’m so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I have been drinking Theraflu for more than a week. I’ve probably built up a tolerance to it, and I should consider switching to a different cold med. Or maybe I should start pouring whiskey in it. I hate taking cold meds. They make me feel loopy. Theraflu is one of the only ones that works for me and doesn’t make me high.

So anyway, at some point this week, I was in the fetal position in bed, trying to fall asleep, and I started thinking about the GOP health care bill, because apparently I wasn’t already feeling shitty enough.

I started thinking about how fucked up it is that we need to have a health care bill at all. Basically we need a health care bill, because if we don’t the health insurance companies will fuck us all until we all die. That’s it, right? They absolutely won’t do anything even remotely close to the right thing AT ALL. Unless there is a law, health insurance companies will not offer us a policy at a reasonable price that covers reasonable medical bills.

Think about how fucked up that is! If you need cancer treatment or you have a baby, instead of covering your costs, which is what health insurance should do, they will find a way to screw you over and make you pay for it. They want you to pay for health insurance AND your medical bills, because if there isn’t a law so fuck you.

Health insurance companies are not just mindless robots, they are owned and managed by actual human beings with hearts and souls (in theory). I don’t understand how they sleep at night. How do they justify trying to screw people over during some of the most stressful times in their lives? “I know you’ve been diagnosed with heart failure and you’re fighting for your life, I need to make another $10,000 to throw on my giant pile of money.”

What am I missing? Are health insurance companies like sharks? Just killing machines. Sharks gonna shark. Health insurance companies gonna health insurance company.

I also started thinking about the people who work for the Predator Trump administration, because – once again – apparently I don’t think I’m suffering enough. They are just lying, awful pieces of human garbage, aren’t they? How do they even look at themselves? How do they talk about their day at work with their spouse?

Terrible person #1: “How was your day at work, honey?”
Terrible person #2: “Good! I bullied the White House Press Corp turning off their recording equipment and then I accused them all of being fake news. Then I lied about Trump’s Muslim ban and the Medicaid cuts in the GOP health bill. How was your day?”

Here’s the thing: It’s not just that these “people” have a difference of opinion. They are lying, and they know they are lying. But by lying they thinking they are winning. I’m not sure what they think they’re winning.

“Today I helped the president bully a senator, who dared not to support something we wanted him, too. It’s really exciting time for us. We’re so close to stripping away health care benefits from millions of people, including those with pre-existing conditions as well as children, the elderly and people with special needs, because our most vulnerable citizens are not really Americans. Fuck those people, am I right? I mean, get a job or something. Whatever.”

I have yet to hear one reasonable argument for the GOP health care bill … or one reasonable argument for anything Predator Trump has said or done. I assume that’s because there isn’t one. All I’ve heard is a lot of lies.

I continue to be super disgusted and embarrassed by Predator Trump. I haven’t mentioned it on the blog in a while, but I’m still donating money to organizations that fight for what’s right: the ACLUSouthern Poverty Law Center and Planned Parenthood and SwingLeft.org. Oh, and I usually spend my evenings drunk dialing my reps. You should do it, too. It’s kinda fun.

 

 

 

 

 


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Same company. Same job. New office. New people. Eeek!

Yeah, so, there have been a lot of changes my job recently. A pair of big bosses were fired laid off right after the new year, and for a while the team was working on a million projects to show the other big bosses that we were worth keeping.

It was stressful … for other people. Well, I mean, I didn’t want anyone to lose their job, but I try not to stress out about work. Work is just work. It’s not life. Losing your job isn’t as bad as say – oh I don’t know – getting cancer. I figure if I can deal with that, I can deal with it if my company decided to give me the boot.

They didn’t, of course, because I’m super awesome and amazing to work with. Instead, there was a ton of restructuring and now I report to the corporate overload’s director of content who works in — wait for it — San Francisco. You see, the corporate overload owns another company that is based in SF, and a several members of the content team work out of that office. I had no idea!

Even though the company I work for is based in Oakland, my boss said it would be a good idea if I worked at least a couple of days in the SF office. Obviously, I agree. This means I can walk down the hill from my house, get on BART, and be in the office in like 15 minutes. It was taking about an hour to get to the office every morning. It sucked.

So anyway, you guys … That means, for the first time since college, I am living and working in the same city! I am downright giddy about it.

I’ve worked at the same place for 8 years. I’m still doing the same job for the same company, but at a different location. I might even get some content support like – dare to dream – some copy editing. As good buddy Kate said, “It’s like getting a new job without getting a new job.”

I went into the office on Wednesday, and I made it very clear that I was super happy to be there. I practically did cartwheels and a happy dance. The next day I found a cube that would make a good home for me, and set up shop. I introduced myself to all the neighbors. “I’m moving in. Tell me to shut up if I get too loud.” Loud = eating all the free salt and vinegar potato chips from the kitchen, because this place provides snacks. Whaaaat?

You guys! I can even see out the window over my cubicle wall.

But wait, there’s more.

This place has a sparkling water dispenser. And, AND, there are bagels on Monday, fresh fruit on Wednesday, and there’s a full stocked refrigerator of drinks, including BEER AND WINE! I can’t comprehend that this company is owned by the same company that owns us. We don’t have a fully stocked refrigerator. In fact, last year they threatened to stop providing complimentary coffee and tea.

I will still be working in my old office once or twice a week, which is great because I’d miss my Oakland peeps. But it is really nice in the SF office. I feel at any minute the big bosses are going to say, “Send Sonia back to her old office full time.”


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Put a Bird On It

Yeah, so, a few weeks ago I won a free ticket to Rock Prom, which was a fundraising event for Bay Area Girls Rock Camp.

My good buddy Jess was on a fundraising team, and I donated because I like girls and rock. I was entered into a drawing and won, which doesn’t happen to me very often.

Anyway, Jess and her team were called “Pretty In Pink,” and they were all wearing pink dresses, she told me. I know that Jess and her friends are super into gorgeous vintage clothes, but there was no way I was going to have time to find something super rad to wear. In fact, I didn’t even own a pink dress. I went on Amazon and bought a ridiculous pink dress with flamingoes on it, because I’m a ridiculous person.

Jess and I doing our awkward prom pose.

I seriously debated wearing this hat with it.

So, I show up to the event and Jess and her teammates look AMAZING. Seriously. Beautiful, fun vintage dresses and tiaras – the works. Meanwhile, I’m wearing a $20 dress with flamingoes I bought on Amazon.

I texted David, “All of Jess’s friends look amazing and beautiful in their vintage dresses, and I’m wearing a $20 dress with flamingoes on it.”

“That’s why I love you,” he replied.

I’m such a goober.

Of course, it didn’t matter. Jess and her friends are rad people, and I had a great time. If you are interested in Bay Area Girls Rock Camp, you can check it out riiiight here.


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6 Things I’m Loving: Eshakti, Baguette Vending Machines And More

Yeah, so, I’m going to try to deal with my anger by sharing six things I’m lovin’ right now.

1. Calvin’s Bedhead

So, we usually keep Calvin’s hair on the short side, but we haven’t had time to get cut in a while. He’s got great hair, and he’s got even greater bed head. See for yourself.

2. What Kind Of Cat Is This?

We have a stray cat friend, and we put food on the porch for her, but we bring the bowl back into the house at night. Well, one night I forgot to bring the food back inside. When I went to get the food, I saw this.

I took some video footage, because my mighty, mighty good man David was out that night, and I wanted him to see it, too. And now Calvin loves watching it. He thinks it’s hilarious that we have a skunk for a neighbor.

3. This Video

There’s a baguette vending machine (seriously – this is a real thing) in our nearby mall, and David had to try it out.

4. These Websites: The Daily Skimm, Small Victories, Swing Left & Wonkette

The Daily Skimm is an easy way to feed my anger first thing in morning. Basically, it summaries all the news you need to know in a short, fun email. I’ve written about it before, but I highly recommend it. You can sign up right here, if you want to try it out.

I also suggest you sign up for Small Victories, which helps me stay positive. When you sign up, you get an email every Friday with – you guessed it – small victories. It’s filled with stories about wins for the good guys. I really needed it today.

I want more small victories, so everyone should be giving money to Swing Left, which donates money to candidates running against those fuckin’ fuckers who voted for the death panels American Health Care Act. This organization just moved into a top 5 spot on my donation list. I also donated directly to Lisa Battista, who is running against that big tool Darrell Issa in California’s District 10. He just barely won in the last election, so he is super vulnerable.

You know what’s weird? I have pretty much stopped reading celebrity gossip and now I read political gossip. Who am I? My main site for this is Wonkette, which covers political stories, but writes it with such a angry, funny voice that it makes it just a little easier to deal with.

5. This Dress

I bought this fox-tastic (see what I did there) dress from Eshakti, and I looooove it. I can’t wait to wear it.

After ModCloth was acquired by Wal-Mart, I was looking for a new place to buy clothes. I love online clothes shopping. It’s my fave. My good buddy Jess recommended Eshakti, and it’s so great. The clothes are super cute and not too expensive. AND, you can customize the clothes. For example, I love this fox dress, but I wanted it a little below the knees, and you can ask for that! You can add sleeves, or make it a tank dress – whatever. It’s so cool!

6. Smith Got An Emmy Nomination

My Dorking Out cohost Chris Smith received another Emmy nomination this week for Instructional/Information Program. Now he will be even more insufferable on the podcast. In all seriousness, I’m super proud of him. He’s super talented and a good friend. Enjoy this moment, Smith. It’s the last time I’ll be nice to you for a while.

Actual footage of me celebrating Smith’s Emmy nomination.


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Everybody Has Pre-Existing Conditions

Yeah, so, I’m so ridiculously angry about the House vote for the American Health Care Act. So angry – like really, really angry.

Fuck these assholes.

It’s so fuckin’ gross I can hardly breathe. They were actually celebrating after they voted to strip away health care from more than 20 million Americans, including children and the elderly. Of course, they were celebrating by drinking Coors Light, so that’s kinda of a punishment if you ask me. Ewww. Coors Light.

As a two-time breast cancer survivor and mother of an autistic son, our health insurance is pretty fuckin’ important. But, according to these fuckin’ jokers, Calvin and I don’t deserve to have affordable health care due to our pre-existing conditions.

EVERYBODY HAS PRE-EXISTING CONDITIONS!

It’s not just big stuff like cancer and autism. Depression and anxiety are pre-existing conditions. Did you have a baby? Well, that’s a pre-existing condition. Victims of sexual assault or domestic violence? Sorry, that’s a pre-existing condition.

Are you planning on having a baby? Well, that will run you about $17,000, because insurance companies won’t have to offer that coverage in their insurance. Oh, and that price doesn’t include diapers, so good luck with that.

If you ever saw a doctor for anything, then you will most likely fall into the pre-existing condition group, so I hope you never got pink eye or broke a bone or got a STD or had to get stitches, but you’ll be fucked. Unless you’re rich, then you’re good to go.

Basically, any reason to charge you more, health insurance companies will get to do it under this bill, which will make health insurance too expensive for a lot of people.

Of course, no one wants to pay more for health insurance, so I’d like to think these dum-dums just voted themselves out of a job when the midterm elections come. I’m going to do everything I can to make sure that happens. Here’s a way to donate to the campaigns of people running against the stupid jackasses who voted for this bullshit bill. Let’s get rid of these “people.” They have got to go.

I seriously hope the Senate rips this bill up. I’m going to try to be optimistic and hope that this bill won’t pass the Senate, but a lot of these politicians also couldn’t get reasonable gun regulations passed after someone went into a school and murdered 20 children, so I don’t have a lot of confidence in their abilities to do the right thing.

Do these morons actually think we will forget that they voted to take away health care from millions of our most vulnerable citizens? Guess what? We won’t. We won’t forget.

Me and my pre-existing condition.


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Random Thoughts: ‘Mother,’ The Skimm And More

Yeah, so, I’m feeling random today, so here I go again on my own …

I finally introduced my mighty, mighty good man David to one of my favorite comedies, “Mother,” written and directed by Albert Brooks. Have you seen “Mother?” You should see “Mother.” This movie makes me laugh so hard. Seriously, I giggle throughout this movie. And I don’t mean, I’m watching the movie and I think, “Oh that’s funny.” I mean, I literally laugh out loud over and over. It’s the best. And now, David finally gets it when I say, “It’s fancy jam time.”

So, yeah, last week, I was riding in the car with my sister Michelle and listening to the radio. I don’t listen to the radio that much anymore. I mainly listen to podcasts now, because I’m a super-rad podcaster now. The radio station was playing an ad for itself, “We have the greatest variety from the Backstreet Boys to Phil Collins.”

Umm, that’s not really a variety.

They might as well have said, “We have the great variety of music from Genesis to Phil Collins.”

It made me really glad that I pay the $9.99 for Apple Music.

I think I’ve recommended The Skimm before, but I’m going to do it again, because it’s rad. It delivers an email every morning summarizing all the news I need to know so I don’t sounds like an ignorant asshole. You should sign up, too – not that I think you’re an ignorant asshole. Everyone knows that The Sonia Show readers are the smartest readers in all the land.

OK, so, there’s a banner hanging on a restaurant in Concord, and every time I drive by it makes me want to smash my car into their restaurant.

Not only does it feature a typo, which is awful, it also features random capitalization! It’s a twofer. UGH! I see stuff like this, and I think I’ll always be able to find a job, but then I remember that these folks didn’t hire anyone. The banner has been up for weeks. Has no one told them? Maybe I need to stop by and let them know. Maybe they will give me free Sushi-Thai … whatever that is.

By the way, thank you to everyone who offered advice about our cat friend. She still hasn’t come back, and I’m still worried.

Let’s end this blog post on a cuter note, here’s a video of the cutest, happiest dog in the dog park.


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Dorking Out Episode 42: Our Favorite Sports Movies And Why I Hate Promposals

Yeah, so, in this week’s episode of Dorking Out we share our top 3 favorite sports movies. I tried to make it so all of mine weren’t baseball movies, but I failed, because baseball is THE BEST. I also explain why “The Naked Gun” is one of my favorite sports movies.

In our second segment, we talk about pop culture homework. Do you watch the original movie before seeing a new remake? Do you read the book before seeing the movie?

Oh, and the podcast starts with me going off about how promposals are stupid. Seriously, fuck promposals. You’re not asking someone to marry you. It’s the goddamn prom. And all the boys who keep making promposal videos asking famous actresses to the prom: Just stop it. Stop it! For most of our lives, women compare themselves to celebrities. We’re not pretty enough, skinny enough, etc. It’s so tough to be a teenage girl, and now they have to keep with Emma Stone for a date to the prom. Come on!

So, yeah, promposals are lame. Do the kids still say “lame?”

You can listen to Dorking Out here, or you can find us on iTunes, Stitcher and YouTube. If you listen to the show, I’d love to hear what you think. You can comment here, or on our website or Facebook page.