The Sonia Show

Writer. Mocker. Beer drinker. Old movie watcher. Mother. Goober.


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Dorking Out Episode 33: Super Bowl Thoughts And Our Favorite Movie Musical Moments

Yeah, so, in this week’s Dorking Out we talk about the Super Bowl: the commercials, the halftime show with Lady Gada and, well, what it is like when everyone dorks out about something that you’re not into. During this discussion, Smith revealed that he is a New York Yankees fan.

Ewwwwwwwwwwww.

I don’t know how someone who grew up in the San Francisco Bay Area turned out to be a gross Yankees fan, but we talk about it, and by “talk” I mean I make fun of him.

In our second segment, inspired by my favorite movie of last year “La La Land,” we share our top 3 movie musical moments. My moments are John Travolta takes the dance floor in “Saturday Night Fever,” the opening sequence in “A Hard Day’s Night,” and Gene Kelly singing in the rain in some movie … I wish I could remember the name.

singinintherain

I also list a slew of runners-up. It’s a really fun discussion so you should definitely listen. You can listen to Dorking Out here, or you can find us on iTunesStitcher and YouTube. If you listen to the show, I’d love to hear what you think. You can comment here, or on our website or Facebook page.

I also sat down with Master P and Smith for friend/”Sharknado” director Anthony C. Ferrante’s announcement about “Sharknado 5” on The Pop Show on Assignment X. Obviously, I pestered him about which conservative dum-dum will play a character named after me.


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I want to be the Honorary Bat Girl for the San Francisco Giants

Yeah, so, I need you guys to help a sister out. I want to be the honorary bat girl for the San Francisco Giants, so I need you to vote for me.

Every year MLB.com holds a contest, in which people share their stories about “going to bat against breast cancer.” The winner gets two tickets to the Mother’s Day game, and they get a special shout out on the field. I entered last year, but I didn’t win. Let’s see if I can win this year. I’ll wear my orange wig.

The San Francisco Giants mean a lot to me. They have helped me through both of my fights with breast cancer. They are the very best distraction, and they give me something else to talk about other than cancer. I went to a few games last year during chemotherapy I wore my orange wig. In fact, I wore my orange wig to chemotherapy. I wore that orange wig a lot.

Orange wig and good buddy Kate at the Giants game last summer.

Orange wig and good buddy Kate at the Giants game last summer.

I’ve gone to bat against breast cancer twice and won. I think I’m a worthy candidate … if I don’t say so myself. It’s super easy to vote.

You click this link to vote: https://secure.mlb.com/honorarybatgirl/2016/gallery.jsp

Then you select the SF Giants as the team, and then click the arrows below until you see “Sonia M.” – it’s a photo of me in my orange wig and good buddy Corso at a Giants game last year.

batgirl-screen

You can click the photo and read the essay if you like, and then vote for me. See? It’s so easy.

Thank you in advance for voting. I would totally vote for you. I really, truly appreciate it, you guys. Also, go Giants!


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Sonia Show Classics: Score!

Yeah, so, back in my college, sports wasn’t really my thing.

I know, right? Surprise!

Actually, sports are still not really my thing, except for baseball, which is awesome. I don’t know jack about football or soccer or that other sport people seem to like. I knew even less back then, so it was pretty weird when the sports editor of the college newspaper asked me to write a column for the sports section. I think the regular columnist was taking a break or something, and they needed someone to fill the space.

I think I wrote a total of two columns for the sports section. After reading this one you will see why I wasn’t asked to continue.

So, my tens of readers, I present to you this week’s Sonia Show Classic: Score! (originally published in 1994 – I think). You can read some of my earlier installments here, here and riiiight here.

score

For me, playing sports is a lot like sex: I’m always picked last for the team, or I just end up watching.

When I do get to play, the game always gets called due to rain, the other team forfeits, or I pull a groin muscle. Either way, I never get to score.

I’ve lost many a player because his contract was up, or I had to trade him to another team. Usually, so I could get a better player who scored more often.

I’ve had to end many relationships due to fumbling, going out of bounds and personal fouls. And some people have even dumped me because of unsportmanlike conduct, and I’ve had to sit out a couple of games because no one likes a spoiled sport.

Sports, I just don’t get ’em.

So, what’s with this whole sports thing anyway? I can’t help but wonder why so many people are into it, but I have a theory.

My theory is that sports are very sexual or why else would so many people be into them. Because it’s competitive? Nope. Because there’s nothing else to do? Nope. Because there’s nothing else to watch? Not as long as “Melrose Place” is on the air. Because it reminds people of knockin’ boots? You got it.

The names of the equipment used to play sports are totally pornographic. If you were to listen to just names you would think you were browsing the Adults Only section in The Underground. “Balls,” “stick,” “cup,” oh my!

The World Series, the Super Bowl, the Olympics: They are just big sports orgies. I feel cheap and dirty watching them. God, I could never watch sports with my dad in the room. I would be mortified.

And what about some of the “positions” one can play in sports – wide receiver, tight end. Need I say more?

Do I even need to talk about wrestling?

And don’t get me started on some of the phrases used in sports. OK, get me started. Here’s a short list: Things that sound dirty in sports, but aren’t:

  • Making a pass or incomplete pass
  • Fast ball, slow ball, curve ball or playing hard ball. You get the drift.
  • Going all the way
  • Benching a player
  • Doubleheader
  • Jumpshot
  • Calling it a “draw”
  • Scoring
  • Broad jumping
  • “No rim, nothing but net”
  • Slapping the pigskin
  • Pulling a player out
  • Pop out, fouling out or fly out
  • Getting a piece of the ball
  • Turnover or conversion


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So, ummm, go Cardinals, I guess?

Yeah, so, I love baseball.

I think it’s the best. I think it’s kinda nerdy with all its stats, and the rules are easy to understand. It’s not violent like football, and it moves at a pace that I can keep up with unlike basketball. Also, I like any sport in which drinking beer and eating nachos are a major part of it.

So, I’m super bummed that our Bay Area teams are done for the season. The San Francisco Giants weren’t even close to making the playoffs, while the Oakland A’s were just eliminated last night. Total heartbreaker.

The teams in contention for the World Series are the Cardinals, Dodgers, Tigers and Red Sox. After hashing it out with mighty, mighty good man David last night, I’ve decided that the Cardinals are the less evil team, so I will be rooting for them. But it really comes down to the fact that I don’t want the Tigers or the Dodgers to win it, because, seriously, fuck those teams.

Now that baseball is basically over for us, David and I move on to our next competitive sport that we like to watch: “Top Chef.” After “Top Chef” is over we will have a few months before baseballs starts again. I guess we can use that time to talk about our feelings or something.

In the meantime, here’s a cute photo of all my boys wearing their A’s hats last night.

hat2

We’ll get ’em next year, guys!

And here’s a photo of the Spawn wearing all of his SF Giants gear (even if it’s too small), because GO GIANTS!

gogiants

 

 


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Ballpark entertainment: Who comes up with this stuff?

Yeah, so, I have a lot of questions about the entertainment at the ballpark, specifically the things they show on the big screen.

Who decides what is played at the ballpark on those big screens? Were a bunch of baseball executives in a meeting and someone said, “All ballparks should play the theme from ‘The Addams Family’ during games?” Did they take a vote on it?

Why do they play “Day O” by Harry Belafonte?

At AT&T Park in San Francisco they do something called the Carlton Cam. They play footage of Carlton dancing from “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” and then everyone dances like Carlton in the hopes of getting on the big screen. Who thought of that? Do all the ballparks have that?

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Who thought the “Jersey Shore”-themed Fist Bump Cam was a good fit for San Francisco? I went to a game a few weeks ago, and there was no fist-bump cam so maybe they finally stopped doing it, but they were still doing it last season. It was awful.

Why do they have the pre-made races on the big screen (dots, cable cars, whatever), when they could be having awesome mascot races like they do in Milwaukee?

Final question: Do you think I’m giving up hope that my beloved San Francisco Giants will win their division because are 6.5 games back? NEVER!

linus


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You guys, I’m starting to think the SF Giants are really good at baseball

Yeah, so, let’s go, Giants!

This playoff series has turned me into a superstitious fool.

“When I wear my lucky orange scarf, the Giants win. Oh shit! They lost. It’s the scarf. Stupid scarf!”

“When I stand behind the couch, the Giants get on base.”

“When I drink a Sierra Nevada Tumbler or an Anchor Porter, the Giants win.”

Well, whatever works. I’m very proud of my San Francisco Giants tonight.

Two years ago, mighty, mighty good man David and I went to the World Series.

We had an amazing time, but the tickets were expensive. We justified it like this: “Well, when the Giants get to the World Series again, we will probably have a baby and we won’t be able to afford it.”

Fact.

In fact, the Spawn was born during the last game of the regular season last year. I’m not sure we can justify dropping more than $1,000 on tickets (that’s money that could be spent on Anchor Porter); however, I assure you, we will be all decked out in our Giants gear in the house and chanting, “Let’s go, Giants!”

I will also be wearing my Giants gear at work when the series starts, too, because – like I said – I’m superstitious now.

Oh, and readers of this blog or Twitter followers who don’t like sports, I will be insufferable this week. My apologies.


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It’s the San Francisco Giants, Charlie Brown

Yeah, so, the San Francisco Giants are playing Game 3 in the playoffs this afternoon.

In order to advance, they have to win the next three games against the Cincinnati Reds. Sure, the chances of that happening are pretty slim, but I remain ignorantly positive.

Why?

Well, because the only good thing connected to Cincinnati is WKRP in Cincinnati. And I’m not ready for Giants baseball to be over. That’s why. The San Francisco Giants have to win. They just have to. I believe in you, San Francisco Giants!

I know. I sound like Linus waiting for The Great Pumpkin.

Oh, good grief.

UPDATE: Wooooo-hooooooooo! I knew they could do it. I always believed in you, San Francisco Giants.


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San Francisco Giants vs. Oakland A’s: Can you root for both?

Yeah, so, we’re a two-team household.

While we both love the San Francisco Giants (obviously), but we also both like the Oakland A’s. In fact, I would go so far as to say that mighty, mighty good man doesn’t just like the A’s; he loves the A’s.

I think it’s fine to root for the local teams. They are not in the same division, and when they play each other, I root for the Giants (obviously). David, however, feels too conflicted when they are playing each other and can barely watch the game.

I’m writing about this because when the A’s and the Giants were playing each other a few weeks ago, I posted this photo on Facebook:

I had dressed The Boy in orange for Orange Friday (it’s a San Francisco Giants thing, for those of you that don’t give a shit about sports), but when I went to take him to the nanny David had dressed him in an Oakland A’s jacket. Well played, sir.

After some back and forth comments about how I’m not raising the Spawn right, I posted a question on Facebook: “Is it OK to be a Giants fan and an A’s fan? Are we allowed to root for both local teams (when they are not playing each other, of course)?”

The answers were rather surprising. While A’s fans said, “Sure you can root for both,” most Giants fans said, “Oh hell no!” Then they questioned my loyalty to the Giants, which – quite frankly – pissed me off. One of the people who said “Oh hell no” is someone who roots for the Giants and the Yankees. THE YANKEES! That’s fucked up. I would rather die than root for the Yankees.

I watch almost every single San Francisco Giants game. When I can’t watch it, I listen on the radio. When I can’t listen on the radio, I follow the game on Twitter. I wear orange every Friday. The Giants are all my family talks about when we get together. The day I gave birth to the Spawn was the final regular season game for the Giants last year. At some point in all the madness of pushing a human being out of my vagina, I asked for the Giants score. Seriously. How dare you question my loyalty to the Giants!

But here’s a confession for you. I wasn’t always a San Francisco Giants fan. I used to be an Oakland A’s fan.

I grew up in the East Bay, and I didn’t give a crap about baseball when I was a kid. I didn’t go to my first baseball game until I was 19 or so. Some guys I worked with at the movie theater in Walnut Creek were going to an A’s game and asked if I wanted to come along. After that, I became an A’s fan. I read the sports page and learned the players’ names. In college, I was often spotting wearing my A’s hat (because I was too lazy busy to do anything with my hair).

Eventually my interest waned. I became more concerned with important things such as “The X-Files,” tequila and guys that weren’t into me. Then in 1997, I got a job at a San Francisco newspaper. I got to know this city, and I got to know its baseball team. I worked for San Francisco newspapers for 10 years. I usually sat next to the Sports Department, which meant I listened to baseball talk all day long. It was awesome. I moved to San Francisco in 2008. I love it, and I love the San Francisco Giants.

When I met David in 2008, he took my love of watching baseball to the next level. He was more than willing to watch games on TV with me, and he loved going to games. Our first apartment together was in the Dogpatch, meaning we were walking distance to the ballpark. Our favorite walk in San Francisco is to walk along the Embarcadero. We just like to be near the ballpark. We went to the first game of the World Series together, and we took our baby to a Giants game opening weekend this season.

Most nights, we put the Spawn to bed by 7:30 p.m. We make dinner. We crack open a beer, and we watch the Giants game. I feel truly happy when I’m watching a Giants game while sipping a beer and sitting next to my mighty, mighty good man.

I have got nothing but love the San Francisco Giants.

But yeah, I have a soft spot for the A’s.

Why?

Because they were my first. You always remember your first.

Also, Stomper is way cuter than Lou Seal. Sorry, Lou. It’s true.

So, yeah, apparently, rooting for the A’s and the Giants is unacceptable. Well, too bad, folks, because it’s happening. Accept it.

Oh, and, go Giants!


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Why are there no female umpires?

Yeah, so, I want to know why there are no female umpires in Major League Baseball. I typed my question into Google, but before I could finish my question Google tried to guess my question based on popular searches.

All of those questions are stupid, except for one. Seriously. Why are there no female Transformers?

As for my female umpire question, apparently the glass ceiling is so tight at Major League Baseball that women have stopped even trying to become umpires for Major League Baseball. True story.

Maybe I should quit my job and go to umpire school. I bet it’s like Hogwarts.