Yeah, so, every year my mighty, mighty good boy Calvin’s school has a fundraising event. This year it was a masquerade ball.
It’s tough to wear a mask when you were glasses. I entertained the idea of buying a mask that clips on to my glasses, but I didn’t want to ruin my precious glasses. I settled for a mask on a stick. I didn’t feel that was festive enough. So then I got it into my head that I should put something on my head. I bought this headband adorned in colorful butterflies on Etsy.
I knew that everyone would be all mardi gras, so I decided to do my own thing, which turned out to be butterflies. I have no explanation for why I choose butterflies other than I think the headband is really pretty.
Also, look at my mighty, mighty good man David … isn’t he so creepy dreamy?
I ordered myself a desk and chair for the house, so I have a place to write and podcast. Oh, and work from home, too. And yes, I put them together myself. I’m practically a carpenter now, my friends.
Before I was sitting on the couch, using Calvin’s play table as a desk.
Yeah, so, stop treating racism, sexism, homophobia, anti-vaccination and climate change denial as a difference of opinion. It’s not a difference of opinion. They are wrong.
The media, in its quest to appear impartial, gives racists, bigots, anti-vaxxers and climate change deniers a platform to promote their lies. The media is both-sides-ing this country to death.
I like “Grease 2” more than “Grease,” but you like “Grease” more than “Grease 2.” That’s a difference of opinion. Denying that science is a thing and claiming that vaccines cause autism or that climate change is a hoax is not a difference of opinion. That’s wrong.
I’m over it, my friends. You say this bullshit to me, I’m not going to pretend that we have a difference of opinion. I will tell you that you’re wrong.
Yeah, so, Margo and I never give, never surrender and talk about 1999’s “Galaxy Quest” on this week’s Dorking Out. This is one of her favorite comedies, and it was super fun to revisit it.
Yeah, so, my mighty, mighty good boy Calvin has been really into “Pinkalicious & Peterrific” lately. He really loves an episode in which Pinkalicious and her mother bake pink cupcakes, and she eats so many of them she turns pink.
For weeks, he has been talking about pink cupcakes.
“We will make pink cupcakes sometime, Mommy?”
“I want pink cupcakes.”
“We will make pink cupcakes later?”
This weekend, we finally made it happen. I think he’s just a little bit proud of them.
And yes, before you ask, they’re vegan. I used boxed cupcake mix with egg replacer, and you’d never know the difference.
Now I have to hide the cupcakes, because he will wake up in the middle of the night and eat them.
For our Oscar party, my friends John and Chris brought over “hostless” cupcakes, and they were awesome! We had a few leftover, and we had them sitting on the counter. The next morning, Calvin came into our room.
Him: “Guess what I did?”
David: “Umm, what?”
Him: “I ate a cupcake in the dark last night.”
Me: “Umm, what?”
Him: “I got up in the night and ate a cupcake.”
He did. He got up in the middle night and ate a cupcake. Then he went to the bathroom to wash the chocolate off his face and hands. And he would’ve gotten away with it, if he hadn’t told on himself … and we didn’t notice all the chocolate crumbs on the bathroom the next morning.
Yeah, so, I love Kevin Costner. I do. I don’t know why, but I’ve got a real soft spot for him.
I was a big fan of “Robin Hood: Prince Of Thieves” when I saw it in 1991. So, when a listener requested that Margo and I watch it for Dorking Out, I was pretty excited. I thought it would be a really fun rewatch. Alan Rickman is really great in it, but it wasn’t a fun rewatch. However, it was super fun to talk about it with Margo.
And, if you want to do something really awesome for me, you could leave a review on Apple Podcasts. Apparently, reviews really matter to Apple, and all our reviews are from when Smith was still on the show. Please, and thank you!
Yeah, so, we have an Alexa in our house, but we don’t really use her that often.
She tells us when packages arrive, and occasionally I ask her to play music for me. I assume the rest of the time she’s monitoring our every word and reporting back to Amazon and/or the government. I don’t care because whoever is listening is bored AF.
“Ugh. They’re debating about what kind of delivery to get AGAIN. You ordered Chinese food the other day, assholes! What’s the debate about? You know you’re going to get Indian food. Just stop talking about it and order it already. … Here we go. She’s talking about her Weight Watchers Points again. For fuck’s sake! You’re going to eat the Indian food anyway, fatty! Oh good, now she’s lying to herself about how she’s going to yoga later tonight. Yeah, sure you are, honey. Go put on your eatin’ pants and slippers. You’re not going back out tonight.”
So, yeah, the other thing I’m using Alexa for is parenting.
It’s been raining like a lot in San Francisco, and every morning I get into this debate with my mighty, mighty good boy Calvin about wearing his raincoat.
Him: “It’s not going to rain.” Me: “It is!” Him: “No, it’s not. It’s not going to rain. I don’t need to wear that coat. I want my sweatshirt.”
Repeat five days a week for the entire winter season.
So, last week I got the brilliant idea to get Alexa to back me up.
Me: “It is going to rain. Ask Alexa! She will tell you.” Him: “Alexa, is it going to rain today?” Alexa: “The temperature is 45 degrees with showers expected today.” Me: “See!” Him: “I need my raincoat.”
Ta-dah! Calvin will listen to Alexa, but not me.
Now I’m going to get Alexa to start suggesting that he eat vegetables and pick up his dirty clothes. Pretty soon I won’t have to parent at all! Then I’ll spend even more time debating our delivery food options with David.
Yeah, so, Margo and I had so much fun recording our conversation about “Don’t Tell Mom The Babysitter’s Dead” that we decided to do it twice.
Actually, what really happened is the first recording only recorded my half of the conversation. And while I do love the sound of my own voice, it would be a little weird to release only half of the conversation. Maybe it will be a special bonus episode someday. (It won’t.)
Big, super mad props to Margo for re-recording with me the next day. We had a great conversation both times, so you should listen. I mean, “Don’t Tell Mom The Babysitter’s Dead” star Keith Coogan is listening. You should, too.
