The Sonia Show

Writer. Podcaster. Beer drinker. Old movie watcher. Mother. Goober.

Alexa, write this blog post for me

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Yeah, so, we have an Alexa in our house, but we don’t really use her that often.

She tells us when packages arrive, and occasionally I ask her to play music for me. I assume the rest of the time she’s monitoring our every word and reporting back to Amazon and/or the government. I don’t care because whoever is listening is bored AF.

“Ugh. They’re debating about what kind of delivery to get AGAIN. You ordered Chinese food the other day, assholes! What’s the debate about? You know you’re going to get Indian food. Just stop talking about it and order it already. … Here we go. She’s talking about her Weight Watchers Points again. For fuck’s sake! You’re going to eat the Indian food anyway, fatty! Oh good, now she’s lying to herself about how she’s going to yoga later tonight. Yeah, sure you are, honey. Go put on your eatin’ pants and slippers. You’re not going back out tonight.”

So, yeah, the other thing I’m using Alexa for is parenting.

It’s been raining like a lot in San Francisco, and every morning I get into this debate with my mighty, mighty good boy Calvin about wearing his raincoat.

Him: “It’s not going to rain.”
Me: “It is!”
Him: “No, it’s not. It’s not going to rain. I don’t need to wear that coat. I want my sweatshirt.”

Repeat five days a week for the entire winter season.

So, last week I got the brilliant idea to get Alexa to back me up.

Me: “It is going to rain. Ask Alexa! She will tell you.”
Him: “Alexa, is it going to rain today?”
Alexa: “The temperature is 45 degrees with showers expected today.”
Me: “See!”
Him: “I need my raincoat.”

Ta-dah! Calvin will listen to Alexa, but not me.

Now I’m going to get Alexa to start suggesting that he eat vegetables and pick up his dirty clothes. Pretty soon I won’t have to parent at all! Then I’ll spend even more time debating our delivery food options with David.

Author: The Sonia Show

I'm a writer/podcaster/mother/goober in San Francisco who likes to drink beer, shop, laugh and make other people laugh, watch old movies, feed my unhealthy obsession with pop culture, kick breast cancer's ass, go on adventures with my mighty, mighty good man David and my awesome autistic son, Calvin, wear orange and root for the San Francisco Giants, participate in general jackass-ery, talk about TV, eavesdrop on strangers' conversations, make nerdy “Star Wars” and “Simpsons” references, and post personal things about myself on the web for all to read, which makes me some sort of literary exhibitionist.

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